12.24.2003
A Christmas poem by Calvin
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through 5824
Not a creature was stirring, except maybe a mouse;
The traps were placed by the cupboards with care,
In hopes our rodent friend may soon be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
Peace to ease the aches in these youth worker's heads;
Jason in the recliner and Danny on the couch,
Had just settled down in a television slouch.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the street,
An unmarked van blasting a very loud beat.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
In the doorway an intruder came with a bound.
He was dressed all in black, from his head to his toes,
"This is a robbery! Give me all your money, you mofos!" (edited for content)
A sawed off shotgun he had strapped to his back,
Who did this loser think he was going to jack?
His eyes -- how wide they got! his dimples how bloody!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose red as a cherry!
His droll little mouth was struck with a bo,
Look how fast the 'movie props' can go.
The ends of the nunchucks knocked in his teeth,
And the stars he saw encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a beaten face and a big fat old butt,
That shook, when he was kicked like a mangy mutt.
He ran for his van, as I spiked him with the mace,
And away he went, at such an incredible pace;
But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
"HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!"
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through 5824
Not a creature was stirring, except maybe a mouse;
The traps were placed by the cupboards with care,
In hopes our rodent friend may soon be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
Peace to ease the aches in these youth worker's heads;
Jason in the recliner and Danny on the couch,
Had just settled down in a television slouch.
And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the street,
An unmarked van blasting a very loud beat.
As I drew in my hand, and was turning around,
In the doorway an intruder came with a bound.
He was dressed all in black, from his head to his toes,
"This is a robbery! Give me all your money, you mofos!" (edited for content)
A sawed off shotgun he had strapped to his back,
Who did this loser think he was going to jack?
His eyes -- how wide they got! his dimples how bloody!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose red as a cherry!
His droll little mouth was struck with a bo,
Look how fast the 'movie props' can go.
The ends of the nunchucks knocked in his teeth,
And the stars he saw encircled his head like a wreath;
He had a beaten face and a big fat old butt,
That shook, when he was kicked like a mangy mutt.
He ran for his van, as I spiked him with the mace,
And away he went, at such an incredible pace;
But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight,
"HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!"
