5824: The Blog

we've booked cal for a second gig. this time, he's playing tahoe on 10/11. that's right, folks. cal poon, the up-and-coming comic, is going to perform at a one-time exclusive engagement. this is an invitation only event. please, do not call to purchase tickets. i repeat, there are no tickets being sold to this event.

grand news for the house: we went grocery shopping. our fridge is stocked, albeit very bachelor-like. the checkout lady at albertson's told us that we were buying a bunch of junk. it's true. we condsider chips and salsa a staple. so, what is our first meal after buying all this food? jack in the box. actually, we got jack in the box salads. i'm a big fan of these salads. maybe, a bit expensive, but they're really good. i recommend the southwest chicken.

ok, so i have some issues with that espn quiz. no offense, but all three of us cannot have the same score. that is why i took it upon myself to make my own quiz. men, get a piece of paper and pencil and take the following quiz to test your metrosexuality.

1. How frequently do you check yourself in the mirror?
Once, in the morning. (0 pts.)
A quick hair and teeth check in the middle of the day. (1 pts.)
You’ve used the rear view mirror in your car to check your hair (2 pts.)
Every mirror is an opportunity to make myself look better (3 pts.)
Bonus point: You carry your own mirror in your man bag.

2. Give yourself one point for each of the following products that you own:
A conditioner that is separate from your shampoo.
Soap specifically for your face.
Something stronger than gel to sculpt your hair.
Lotion (Bonus point: It’s scented lotion.)
Loofah (Bonus point: You know what a loofah is.)

3. When it’s time to get a haircut, you think to yourself…
I wonder if my buddy with the clippers is busy. (0)
Where’s the nearest SuperCuts? (1)
I better make an appointment. (2)
Should I re-do my highlights? (3)

4. Your friend suggests the two of you should go in for a pedicure. Your reaction:
No way! (0)
You think about it. (1)
As long as nobody finds out, I’ll go. (2)
I’ve needed a pedicure for months! (3)
Bonus point: Your friend was a guy.

5. Aside from sneakers, how many shoes do you own?
1-2. (0)
3-4. (1)
5+ (2)
Bonus point: You’ve bought shoes solely based on how they would look with an outfit.
Extra bonus point: You have to think about that last bonus point.

6. Which would best describe the way you shop for clothes?
My mom shops for my clothes. (0)
Mervyn’s is having a sale! (1)
My girlfriend helps me pick out the clothes I wear. (2)
I will not rest until I find the bootcut jeans that fit me. (3)

7. Give yourself a point for every name you recognize on the following list:
Kate Spade
Steve Madden
Salvatorre Ferragamo
Louis Vuitton.
Bonus points: Give yourself an extra point if you own anything designed by any of the above names.

8. What is the last book you’ve read? (Magazines are not books.)
C’mon, at least magazines are reading! (0)
I don’t remember, but it’s the one I was assigned to read when I was in school. (1)
Something non-fictional. (2)
A current best-seller. (3)
Bonus point: You read it because it was recommended to you.

9. You’re going to the movies with your girlfriend, and she wants the two of you to see the sappy romantic comedy. What do you do?
Feign sickness and cut the date short. (0)
Suggest going back home and renting a movie. (1)
You go in, reluctantly. (2)
I’ve been dying to see this movie, too! (3)

10. When is the last time you cried?
Crying is a sign of weakness. (0)
I got choked up watching ‘Brian’s Song’. (1)
The sappy romantic comedy my girlfriend and I went to see the other night. (2)
While reading something. (Magazines count this time.) (3)
Bonus point: You’re getting teary eyed because you are remembering why you cried the last time.

11. When watching ‘Queer Eye for the Straight Guy’, you...
What the hell are you talking about? (0)
Take mental notes. (1)
Feel like you have nothing to learn from the show. (2)
Watch the show and think you can do a better job than the experts. (3)
Bonus points: Give yourself a bonus point for every member of the Fab 5 you can name.

12. I took this quiz because…
I’m bored at work. (0)
I wonder, ‘Am I a metrosexual?’ (1)
I want to know how much of a metrosexual I am. (2)
You’re still wondering why there isn’t a question about cleanliness on this quiz. (3)
Bonus point: You are going to give this quiz to somebody else because you’re curious about his metrosexuality.

Grading
0-5: Metrophobe. Some serious repression issues. Seek counseling.
6-12: Dude. Still unaware that you carry an X chromosome.
13-24: Enlightened. Enjoys the red meat… with an occasional glass of wine.
25-36: Closet Metrosexual. No need in denying what you are.
37-48: Metrosexual Man. You know it, and you are not ashamed to say it.
49+: Ultimate Metro: As much as you want it, sorry to say, there’s no parade for you.

Have you ever gotten a pedicure? I have not, but someone who lives here has. The term 'metrosexual' was brought up in our house a few days ago. Here's Stacy Pressman's take on the subject. Take the ESPN quiz to see if you are a metro (I got 1 out of 12).

Stacy writes a lot of interesting articles for ESPN. My favorite article is probably the one titled 'What Men Really Want.' In fact, if Stacy lived on the west coast instead of in New York, I would marry her. She just bumped Lizzie down a notch.

remember way back when we were complaining about not having any food in the house? well, we still haven't gone shopping for groceries. it's been ages. yes, there is an element of laziness. however, for me, there's also an issue of what to buy. i don't know how to go grocery shopping. when we do, we get a lot of produce, but a lot of that produce ends up in our late night batting practice sessions. that makes me not wanna buy food. what do we do?

i am the king of 5824 this weekend. with cal in SF/LA and jason in arizona, i rule.

i woke up this morning to go to the bathroom, and found that the handle was 'fixed'. cal was tinkering with it last night (not with his teeth), but with super glue and some rubber bands. well, i can flush, but i have to lift the handle so that the water stops. good enough in my book. cal has demonstrated his humor and his handiness all in one week. what more can this man do?

i used the bathroom this morning and had a nearly tragic experience. i did my business, so to speak, and went to flush the toilet. as i did, the handle broke off, bounced off the seat, and dropped INTO the toilet. luckily, there was an island of toilet paper, it settled on. the handle was only have submereged, so i could cleanly get it out of the toilet and rinse it off. unfortunately, the handle is now broken and it requres a lot of work to flush the toilet.

The time is 7:15pm (I am not using Blogger's service to change the time of my post). I just called Comcast's 24 hour customer service line in order to cancel the silver digital package from our servicec because it's not worth paying an extra $25 for the Encore and HBO channels. This is what I hear: 'Sorry, nobody is available to take your call. Our business hours are Monday through Friday 8am to 8pm.....' It's 7:15pm!!!! And this is the 24 hour customer service line!!! I would rip on Comcast more, but I'm scared they will cut off all cable service to our house.

the debut of cal poon was great. there was a hack warm-up bit by some idiot comic, but the headliner killed. we even have a review of the show here. for those of you that missed it, we do have it on tape. i must say, it's not the same as the live show, though. many props to jason, too, who changed our living room into club 5824. 'club 5824, where the laughter NEVER stops'. instead of having comedy parties at our house, we're gonna have to book cal at special events, like birthday parties and weddings.

We are going to the Giants game at Pac Bell tomorrow. Jason has a stack of 25 tickets, so he gets 25 people to go. Not only does Jason have a list of who is going, he has devised a seating chart for us once we get to the game. I hope I don't get marked absent if I change seats during the game. I think it's a whole ploy just so Mel can't sit next to me. He's so jealous.

At least I don't have to sit next to Danny either.

we watched the latest episode of 'joe schmo'. i'm hooked. this was pretty funny stuff. 'ashleigh' isn't so bad to look at either. highlights definitely include 'kip's' rage at 'the hutch's' prank. 'the hutch', the asshole character, takes 'kip's' photo album and fills it with pictures of his ass. matt (joe schmo) is furious at 'the hutch' for being so insensitive. after this blow-up, 'dr. pat' counsels 'kip' and matt. this is so funny because matt totally buys it and becomes 'a believer in dr. pat'. anyway, try and to catch some re-runs this week because...

the third episode looks great. the commercials show matt breaking down in tears because somebody gets 'voted off'. producers and actors are questioning if they should continue this show. should be very interesting. at the very least, guys, go look at 'ashleigh'.

what would happen if 'queer eye' came to our house? i don't think i'd mind redecoration in the house. cal thinks they might remove the 2nd tv in the living room. this would definitely be a point of contention. of course, we could just move it back once they leave. do they clean? we could use a good clean. and the snacks guy can actually buy us some food. it'd be great.

aside from 'queer eye', we gathered as a house and watched 'the joe schmo show' on spike TV. i think this is becoming our new j.mizzy. (we'll have to think of a good street cred name schmo.) the basic premise of the show is that the entire 'reality' of the show is manufactured. it's really funny because joe schmo has been totally suckered into this game. he truly believes it to be real, even when some of the actors are messing up the script. i know that j.mizzy 2 is scheduled to air on fox, but we may have found our replacement mizzy.

as most of you know, i'm taking the lsat in october. there are a whole bunch of logic questions, and i thought i'd share an example with you...

most girls' showers collect a lot of hair. before taking my shower this morning, i found that a lot of hair had collected in our shower. ergo, there must be girls using our shower.

which of the following statements will most WEAKEN the conclusion above:
a) cal invites women over to use our shower.
b) danny invites women over to use our shower.
c) jason invites women to use our shower.
d) boys' showers collect hair, too.
e) cal is, in fact, a woman.

hungry....need food...starting to feel faint....can't spel rite n-e-more...

I went to Taco Bell today and got a spicy chicken burrito. It wasn't that spicy and there was barely any chicken. I feel ripped off.

indeed, it is good to be back.

indeed, we have no food. i've been eating a fun size snickers for breakfast. yesterday's dinner was a pepsi vanilla and a lot of snack mix.

5824 is back on the air! After a difficult fight against the little purple people, we have regained access to the internet and are free to post again!

Actually, we were just having some problems with our DSL setup. Our router decided it no longer wanted to route. And our DSL went AWOL. I thought it would have been more exciting to actually fight against little purple people. Unless if they have little purple laser guns.

For the record, Jeff Gordon, Lizzie, the Rock, Kelly Rowland, and Kristen Kreuk can stay on my island. I would trade Barry Bonds and this Jack Hanna character for Willie Mays and Monster Garage's Jesse James.

Our house has no food. We have cereal and a lot of apple juice. It's a good thing I can live off football for the next few months.

i completely forgot to mention that the lizzie mcguire cd came out this week. technically, it's hilary duff's cd, but she and lizzie are one and the same to me. i think we should raise a lil' bit of money to buy it for cal. that way he doesn't have to steal her songs off the internet. while we're at it, we might as well get him the lizzie mcguire dvd. as a matter of fact, for MY birthday (october 7), we can get cal some lizzie stuff. i will defer a present or two for cal's celebrity crush.

karen asked me if i could take 7 celebrities to a stranded island, who would they be? her choices included croc hunter, j.k. rowling, iron chef, and others. i'm sure legolas would make hercut right now. my picks: croc hunter, ben stiller, mandy moore, kate beckinsale, bob costas, p. diddy, barbara walters (the last two are to mix things up). just for kicks, i'll pick cal's 7: jeff gordon, lizzie mcguire, the rock, barry bonds, kelly rowland, lana lang, jack hanna.